I'm an idolater (and you probably are too)

The title may sound harsh, but it's true.  And it's something I feel like we can fall into more easily than we realize. 

When I think of idolatry, I usually think of being power or money hungry.  Or of the classic praying-to-statues-type of idolization.  And I've always felt that I do a good job of steering clear of those. 

But God recently showed me myself, and I wasn't at all what I thought I was. 

You know those times when you're in the thick of an argument, or you're crying out to God about the injustice of it all, only to have your sails deflate as your heart stands convicted?

That's what I felt.  I was praying to God, feeling justified in my hurt and anger as I cried out to God to convict someone's heart for how they'd wronged me.  I asked God to help me forgive because I didn't feel I could, not after how many times it had happened.

I poured out my frustrations, and in the midst of my pain, I felt my own guilt.  I was worshiping an idol fashioned by my own hands.  I was so wrapped up in my feelings, and how I deserved to be treated, that I was totally neglecting God's command that I love and forgive.





It's true.  I've been an idolater, worshiping at the alter of Self-Esteem and Feelings.  I was allowing my perception of being wronged to dictate how I felt about myself and how I treated and forgave others. 

I would be hurt, and so I would withhold forgiveness or withdraw.  I would be kind to peoples faces, only to hide resentment in my heart.  And I would hold my husband prisoner to my emotions, keeping him at a distance or being short with him, because he or someone else had hurt me. 


I internalized the situations, making them about who I was rather than listening to God's word as the authority in my life.  I allowed my feelings dictate my self-esteem, rather than resting in who God says I am in him.


I just broke down, asking for forgiveness and help.  To forgive those that wrong me.  To rest in God's word and the knowledge that I am his.

It hasn't been perfect since that day that I sat on my bathroom floor, crying out to my Father. I still have the tendency to internalize offences and get my feelings hurt, and it's a struggle to forgive.  But God is refining me. 

I've made it a habit to read or recite a verse whenever the thoughts pop into my head.  And I've noticed an improvement.  I'm still sensitive, but I have noticed that I don't stay in my hurt feelings as long.  I've also started looking at issues in a new light, on how I can reach out and show love and grace to people more intentionally.
 

I'd like to encourage you to ask God to reveal any areas of your life in which you are placing too much importance.  It may be your emotions, your finances, your relationship or friendships, your image, or something else entirely. 

Then, after God has revealed this to you, dig into his word.  Let it renew your minds, to mold your thoughts and feelings, so that you can address the issue when it arises. 


In what areas has God been working to refine you in?  How has your life changed as a result of listening to his voice?  Let me know in the comments!